


Martian flu

by FragileObject



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Family, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 20:22:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FragileObject/pseuds/FragileObject
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's imagination has no limits. Sometimes, Ianto would rather the earth to swallow him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Martian flu

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Gripe marciana](https://archiveofourown.org/works/727541) by [FragileObject](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FragileObject/pseuds/FragileObject). 



> I apologize for my english. I am very very sorry.

Ianto opened the door. He could not believe he was home. He could not believe that the day was over at last. He was so tired he went upstairs directly, entered the room, took off his jacket and collapsed on the couch. He had no strength to find Jack and their children. It was late and he was sure Gwyneth and Kai were in bed. He deeply appreciated the absence of childish shouting because the “Torchwood style” day he had just overcome had been sufficiently hellish for adding two screaming and hyperactive sprouts aged tree and five.

For one day, the two men had distributed the job completely. Jack would spend the day with the kids and Ianto would handle Torchwood. None of them would interfere in the other’s day.

Ianto was the one who always took care of everything related to children’s social life. Jack was great looking after them, feeding them and educating them. He could spend dead hours playing with them like another child, and during that time he was happy, but when dealing with pediatricians, teachers or just the staff of some store remotely related with products for children, the impetuous and impatient character of Captain Harkness, the galactic hero, seized him and, in all likelihood, the matter ended up becoming a critical situation.

Ianto knew it was not easy for Jack. In recent years he had suffered a long abduction by his most hated enemy, the Master, had traveled with the Doctor, had given birth to two children after agonizing pregnancies, and had tried to adapt to the life of an ordinary couple with children. All this, fighting alien menaces and accepting that he would survive much to his husband and children. Although Jack never spoke of this. Rather, it was Ianto who surprised himself from time to time thinking about it. And it was not pleasant. Anyway, Jack needed to spend more time with their children after defeating the Master definitely. They had scheduled that day long ago, as a personal test for both. Ianto would take care of all alarms. Jack would spend the whole day taking care of the family.

Ianto did not know what it was going to be a long day full of work.

—Bad day at the office, dear? —a playful voice greeted him from the doorway.

Ianto dropped his head over the edge of the sofa to look at Jack. He was leaning in the doorway, dressed in T-shirt and pajama bottoms. He wore an apron patterned with vegetables and hold a feather duster leaned on his hip. His smile was dazzling. Ianto would have laughed if he had not been so tired.

—I’m dead, Jack. Three Weevil alarms, some alien leakage in the archives, UNIT claiming some reports that we will never give them, a computer virus in the fissure activity detection system and, to top it off... the car has broken down.

—Well... it sounds bad. I hope the coffee machine is not broken.

—I would have committed suicide.

—Yes, I can imagine... —said Jack, aware of the love Ianto felt for the coffee machine—. You should’ve called me.

—No way —Ianto refused from the sofa, without changing his position—. How about you with the kids?

Jack’s face brightened again.

—Oh, great! We had a fantastic time. We have gone shopping, they have eaten well, they have helped me to clean the house, we’ve played, we’ve made cookies...

Jack smiled, dreaming, and Ianto thought he was the most beautiful creature in the universe. He seemed in peace. He deserved it after what had happened.

—Cookies? Really?

—And they are even eatable! Kai is exhausted. And Gwyneth, too. I’ve put them to sleep a little while ago —Jack looked at Ianto and said: —Thank you for trusting me... for letting me alone with them.

—Don’t be silly, Jack.

Jack left the duster over the TV stand, took off his apron and threw it over the duster.

—How about a shower? He said approaching the couch and watching his husband, who had not moved an inch.

—Maybe later —Ianto growled—. I’m dead.

—I mean... a shower... together.

—I know, Jack —Ianto complained—. The saddest thing is I understand you and… showering with you makes me crazy! But... I’m deadly tired.

—Well... —Jack said, taking Ianto’s legs, sitting in a corner of the sofa and putting the feet of the man in his lap—. We’re going to relax Mr. Jones.

—Harkness-Jones for you. What are you doing?

Jack took off Ianto’s shoes and socks without hurry.

—We’re going to relax Mr. Harkness-Jones.

Looking into Ianto’s eyes, Jack leaned over and started licking one of his husband’s feet. Ianto opened his eyes for a moment, stunned. Then he dropped his head on the couch and moaned with pleasure.

—Captain Harkness, I hate you.

—Captain Harkness-Jones for you —said Jack. And he resumed his work with the Ianto’s foot.

He wandered the entire foot with his kisses and his tongue. Ianto thought he could melt right there when Jack began to lick his fingers, one by one, starting with the pinky. As the expert tongue of Jack, moist and warm, enveloped each of the little fingers, Ianto was aware that another very different feeling was replacing the fatigue. The warmth of Jack’s perfect lips on his skin spread by his calf and thigh, came to his groin, and from there it poured over his spine and the rest of his body. In the end, slightly putting it away from the other fingers, the Captain put Ianto’s thumb in his mouth and began to suck. The world became blurry to Ianto.

—What are you doing, Dad? —Gwyneth’s childish voice said from the doorway. Her dark hair was tousled and she was hand-holding little Kai.

Ianto wanted to jump behind the sofa but his legs were tightly trapped by Jack and his head hung slightly off the cushions. His next option was to vanish into thin air, but he failed at it. All he could do was pull his jacket, which was still in the back of the couch, and cover his face with it. Jack removed Ianto’s thumb from his mouth with a loud “pop” and looked at his five-years-old daughter peacefully as he wiped a trace of saliva from his mouth with the back of his hand.

—I’m checking Taddy has not caught the Martian flu.

—Flu? —said the girl.

—Hh? —Ianto issued.

—Martian? —Gwyneth insisted.

—Today, in the laboratory of Torchwood, one of those jars that Owen uses to store samples has broken and, although he was very fast and cleaned it all at once, I prefer to check now if Taddy is infected or not. So we can cure him before he starts to feel sick.

Jack’s reasoning sounded absolutely flawless.

—Oh —Gwyneth said.

Kai rubbed one eye.

Jack nodded and Ianto sobbed under his jacket.

—Is he sick? I do not want Taddy to be sick!

—I do not either, honey, so I’m checking. You know, when you have the Martian flu, the adrenal glands secrete beta-beta-pi endorphins, which are like normal endorphins, just tasting to strawberry, and they accumulate in the tips of the toes.

Another sob went out from under the jacket.

Kai yawned and Gwyneth shook her head.

Jack kept on speaking, impassive.

—So I’m trying to detect the strawberry flavor with my gustatory papillae.

—What are “gustatory papillae”? —the girl said after a few seconds.

Jack finally let go Ianto’s feet from his lap and stood up. Ianto shrugged on the sofa and dared to look at his children over the edge of his jacket. Gwyneth was as tousled as it was possible and poor Kai seemed in a trance. Both seemed tiny next to Jack.

—They are some very useful tongue cells, but it is no time for you to be awake. I’ll take you to bed.

—I want to know if Taddy is ok or he has Martian flu! —the girl complained while her father was charging each of them with each arm.

—Don’t worry, honey. I have not noticed any strawberry flavor. But I’ll keep checking it all night and I’ll tell you in the morning —Jack said and looked at Ianto with a raised eyebrow and a devilishly lewd smile—. Say “good night”.

—Good night —Gwyneth obeyed.

Kai said nothing, probably he had not been awake at all in the whole time.

—Nos da, gwerthfawr —Ianto said with his best smile.

—Are you going to suck Owen’s feet to check for flu? —Ianto heard his daughter saying as Jack walked away carrying them to their room.

—Not tonight — Jack said.

Reluctantly, Ianto laughed.

Less than five minutes later, Jack was back and closed the door behind him. He smiled.

—Sleeping. As logs.

Ianto sat on the sofa, loosened his tie and looked at Jack, sighing. He had no relief. No point asking what a good Welsh boy like him had done to end up with the weirdest family in the world. And really, what did it matter? He wouldn’t change one atom of what he had. He thanked every day for Jack and his children.

—Come here —he ordered.

Captain Harkness took off his shirt, threw it over the TV, next to the apron, and walked to the couch. He only took orders from Ianto Jones and only when they were at home. Ianto put his long fingers under the waistband of his husband’s pajama pants while Jack looked into his eyes.

—Not that I’m complaining —Jack said, smiling with one side of his mouth—, but what are you doing?

Ianto pulled Jack’s pants down slowly until they fell to the ground and then he slid his hands back over the hips, until he grabbed her husband’s buttocks firmly. Jack laughed as Ianto dedicated him an exact replica of his leer.

—I’m going to check if you have Martian flu.


End file.
